The Beauty of Repetetion

The Beauty of Repetition

By: Geisha Xanthein Burlat

The ocean is catastrophic yet so majestic. Every night, it retreats, preparing its waves for the unfamiliar tomorrow.

The calm retreat of the sea at night adds to its allure, as it softly pulls back its waves, creating a peaceful and fascinating ambiance.

The water gives a quiet sigh and retreats as dusk embraces its restless waves.

The ocean, like a weary lover, surrenders its tumultuous spirit to the silence of the night, when darkness and serenity coexist.

If the ocean can regulate its chaotic waves and start over, then so can I. Though I may not have the same majesty as the ocean, I will strive to match it.

I, too, can be violently beautiful.

Here's food for thought... Do you ever wonder if your age is merely a number or if it holds a deeper significance?

Sometimes in my alone time, I wonder whether I am truly 24 years old or if I am 19, but wiser?

Just as the ocean repeats its majestic waves, I find myself reliving the days of being 19 with each passing year. I wonder whether I am truly suited for my current age or if my mind remains anchored in the state of a 19-year-old.

"Wisdom doesn't come with age," as the saying goes, and I agree.

Drawing inspiration from the ocean's timeless dignity, I believe we have the power to choose the age we wish to embody each year. You can think of birthdays as…multiple-choice exams, presenting us with an opportunity to grow and offer ourselves the progress we deserve. If you think you still want to continue being 19, you decide how long you want to stay at that age. Why not spend another 19 years being 19? What is there to lose, right?

Our journey of self-discovery is not bound by the constraints of time. You alone determine the degree of your "age" (“age” referring to your level of progress) on your next birthday.

It's interesting how some people associate age with success and knowledge when, in fact, you have the power to decide how old you want to be, and that, alone, is a success.

So, how old will I be today? This shall be the question I ask myself each morning every time I wake up.

But be warned; let us remember that our perceptions and beliefs have the ability to shape our reality. We must be mindful of what we manifest and believe, for a delicate boundary exists between reality and our manifestations. What we create and imprint in our imagination can become our reality.

As I sign off, I embrace the spirit of Geisha, forever 19 years old, mirroring the ocean's eternal resilience and the continuous journey of self-discovery it represents.

Will I turn 20 tomorrow? Until next time!

To Be 17 Again

I often find myself lost in nostalgic moments, picturing my 17-year-old self laughing hysterically at this particular funny picture.

Who would’ve thought I’d long for the carefree me who effortlessly discovered happiness in every moment and reveled in the simplicity of life.

Reminiscing about those moments of pure happiness adds to the bittersweet longing within me. Never in a million years would I imagine that having all the time in the world could be so excruciating. What an irony!

But as I continue on this journey of self-discovery, I open my eyes and realize, I am still me, but different.

Fragments of My Heart

In the depths of my grief, where pain exists and sadness rule.

I offer a story that speaks to the core of my being.

Even if despair surrounds me, I refuse to give up.

In the solitude of my sorrow, I find solace.

In the darkness, I appreciate the beauty of weakness.

Through the haze, I see a flickering ember of hope.

Scars do not define me; they prove that I am strong.

Wounds remind me of fights won and the strength gained.

The silver lining borne out of my own pain and need.

Wounds are cleansed with tears that flow like rain.

My soul may be broken, but I put them back together with stronger threads.

In the middle of grief, a spark of hope waits to be discovered.

My Unfortunate Encounter with A Narcissist

My goal in writing this blog is to talk about the time I encountered a narcissistic person.

< hope u learn from my mistakes XD >

The first part of this short blog post will talk about my recent contact with a narcissist. I worked with someone for a few months who I had a hard time getting along with inside and outside of work. We often disagree, but this most recent argument was a little different. I thought that addressing them would make things better, but to my surprise, it made things worse.

It took me a long time to figure out what I did wrong before I realized that I wasn't the one having problems. A few days of meditation and a lot of reading helped me realize that the person I was dealing with was a narcissist. What I learned about self-defense during this process was very helpful, and we will talk about that.

When I confronted the narcissist, they were extremely defensive whenever I disagreed with or criticized them. I guess this is the effect of "confrontation". They appeared unconcerned about my viewpoint and insensitive to my emotions.

In order for us to have a productive conversation, it became apparent that I needed to change the way I spoke to them.

I learned the hard way that narcissistic people frequently wouldn't listen when I tried to express my emotions. It was hard for them to understand or care about my feelings because of their innate lack of empathy. Since this was more likely to strike a chord with them, I found it more effective to address concerns by presenting objective facts and data (i.e., screenshots).

I've read that narcissists are frequently very sensitive to disagreements and see criticism as an attack on their inflated sense of self-worth (>>read more here).

What I did was simply communicate my emotions and thoughts, but they took it the wrong way. My persona was increasingly being portrayed as the antagonist the more I dared to speak my mind. This became difficult for me because the narcissist's beliefs had already swayed other people, so I couldn't defend myself from them. Because of this, I realized I needed to be cautious in phrasing my worries throughout our chats so that we could continue to have open lines of communication and they wouldn't get defensive.

I guess the most important takeaway from this encounter was that I should've clearly set my boundaries in order to safeguard my mental health and feel in charge of the relationship. I now realize that it was helpful to establish clear boundaries on acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Here's how I helped myself recover:

1. Avoided emotional encounters after the confrontation. Knowing that narcissists don't have real empathy and probably don't care how I'm feeling, I made it a point to emotionally distance myself from their manipulations. I deleted my social media accounts and stopped responding to and entertaining people who asked about the said confrontation. By doing so, I reclaimed my power and safeguarded my emotional health. I recognized that giving them the emotional response they wanted would only fuel their behavior, so I chose not to engage in their manipulative tactics.
2. Seeking Assistance. Coping with a narcissist can be emotionally taxing, leaving you feeling alone and overwhelmed. I sought comfort in communicating with my encouraging friends throughout this process. Their empathy and presence gave me the support I needed and made me feel comfortable enough to go through my feelings. Thanks to their advice and support, I was able to work through the relationship's complexity and develop more constructive coping mechanisms. If you struggle to find the courage and resilience to handle such challenging relationships, reaching out to trusted friends, family, or therapists for assistance can be an important first step.
3. Practice Self-Care. Distractions aren't necessarily bad; in fact, they often provide us the opportunity to think deeply about how we feel. Personally, I took comfort in spending time with my sister and friends playing games. These activities took my mind away from the issue at hand and allowed me to momentarily escape the situation. When I felt ready to face the situation again, I had a fresher headspace and a renewed sense of clarity. One way to regain equilibrium and resilience is to do things that make you happy, practice mindfulness or meditation, and take care of yourself on all levels (physical, emotional, and mental).

Having made mistakes, I have learned how important it is to protect myself, set limits, and care for my own health. Today, I'm glad to say that I no longer talk to that selfish person. Their absence from my life makes me feel so happy and relieved. That's it; I'm not letting them back into my life ever again. Good riddance!

With this experience, I can move forward with more strength and a better sense of who I am, knowing that I have fought for my own happiness and well-being.